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Certain rumors are abroad in the land that some of you still have unused USB ports on your computers. This is unacceptable. This three-day amnesty will allow you to purchase the items below. If your ports remain unfilled, our trained agents will plug these devices into the "ports" on your BODY. You've been warned.
Remember when USB started and you were like, "Oh sure, another port claiming to be the UNIVERSAL port." Well guess what, Mr. Sarcastic Pants? It worked.