That 70" TV
Now you can use this 70", 1080p screen to watch cruddy YouTube videos somebody shot with their phone in 2007!
Use this: because settling for a mere 68" TV would frankly be degrading. Aren't you worth more than that?
Don't use this: as a pool cleaner. Once you get it in your house, it might try to convince you to let it give cleaning your pool a shot. It's always thought it would have a knack for pool cleaning if somebody would just give it a chance. Don't believe it.
If this were a U.S. President, it would be: Millard Full 1080p High Definition, 1,000,00:1 Dynamic Contrast Ratio, and Built-In VIZIO Apps.
This just posted on Facebook: "Wake up sheeple! I don't even own a TV!"