Seems like it'd be pretty fun to be a famous actress, doesn't it?
It all seems great: going to parties, wearing all the latest fashions, having hoards of adoring fans. Not to mention having every aspect of your private life made public and harshly scrutinized.
While you can’t buy yourself a part in the latest blockbuster movie and you probably can’t afford the body of a celebrity, that terrifying, omnipresent, Orwellian surveillance is now something you can buy.
Simply purchase yourself a few of these security cameras, place them around your house and voila! You’re a star! Also, you’re looking a little chubby lately and we saw you take that extra aspirin last night. Do you have a drug problem?
But wait, there’s more! You can also sign up for our personal celebrity surveillance service. Each week, we'll send you personalized tabloid content starring you and all the members of your household!
Look forward to features like “Who wore it best?” between you and your teenage daughter and exposés about what your toddler looks like without makeup on. Also stories about how your husband is cheating on you, accompanied by pictures of him caught in an awkward moment so it looks like he’s sad or angry.
Plus, for a limited time only, we’ll come to your house and set up a set of strobe lights around your front door to simulate the presence of paparazzi. Every time you run out to the pharmacy at 10 pm in yoga pants and a greasy ponytail, you’ll be blinded with the sweet, white-hot light of fame. We like you! We really like you!